Within the last week I was given another lesson in the trust department, basically that even though you can be good friends with someone that doesn’t mean trust them with everything. So Mars recently got back with her ex, which would be fine if the reason was good but I feel that it’s not. From what I was told, the reason is that he lets her stay at his place since they lived together so it makes sense but she doesn’t love him the way he loves her. This upset me because it’s such a stupid reason so I told her that and I needed time to process, which means I need to walk away before calling her an idiot. Now she’s all mad since I haven’t said anything to her since but I’m over it so if we don’t talk its cause she wants to continue being a child about the whole thing.
With the whole trust thing though, I talked to her with no barriers because I instilled a fair amount of trust with her because we connected on an emotional level. I wanted to keep it that way, not pursuing any further relationship type other than friends and I told her this but I suppose she has it in her head that there’s more going on. It was very nice to have that person there with whom I could speak to about anything while not having to worry about what you might say because no matter what you say they would understand or wouldn’t judge.
I’m left with the thought that maybe there isn’t any individual that you should trust entirely but instead split yourself between several. One day, I found out I’ve been doing that subconsciously when I noticed that I would tell one friend about something that was bothering me and another something else but neither knew everything. It’s like a puzzle, to know everything about me, without asking me directly, one needs to ask several individuals and piece together the information but even then there is some information missing. Is it possible to have a connection with another person where you can be yourself entirely? My entire life has lead me to believe that the answer is “no” yet I must have some optimism left if I keep hoping which makes me feel foolish. I’m entirely skeptical about it though and mind everything I say or do around people, even when I drink I’m mindful. Just the other night I was drinking with my friend and his girlfriend but throughout the whole night I can recall that I was very careful of what I said. We had a good night though filled with laughs.
JXMUNOZ 