It is during my day off that I got to listen to myself and hear what my mind may be telling me, which has not been the easiest thing for me as of late. I woke with the day only to find that I had nothing on my plate to keep me occupied, not really, not such as when I have work or errands, just an empty day. I countered this by heading into downtown to check my mail, find out what I had missed over the last month yet I was not surprised when I found nothing had changed in the city, no new exciting mail, nothing different. My eyes wandered around looking for a spark of interest but it was my ears that caught it with all the sounds going on, not from the people but just from nature itself. It was so centering of myself that for a moment I was calm, for a moment.
There is still much difficulty for me to find enjoyment out of that which used to be a favorite activity for myself and I can’t tell if things are getting better or staying stagnant since majority of the time I keep myself busy from being idle for too long. Today happened to give me the only exception to that but I just found myself confused, my mind so fuddled from thoughts of all the recent events, desires, needs, past, future, too much for me to want to focus on yet once I let my mind roam free I couldn’t find a way to focus and pull myself from this mess. Even now, writing this is very difficult since there are so many thoughts I have that maintaining a single sentence takes so much effort.
Today showed me that I have difficulty just picking out what food to eat. I’m never hungry anymore so I’ve become the worst at choosing what to eat when asked. What used to be my favorite places to eat have become just another place that serves food, a very sad thought because it’s food; who doesn’t get enjoyment out of eating their favorite food?
JXMUNOZ 